So.. my next brave, bold prediction… I have actually been spewing this one at anyone who will listen to me for months… but I’m going to commit to it and put it in writing, now. Months ago, maybe even a year or more, I had a dream. I have alot of messed up dreams. Once, when I was a kid, I was dreaming that I needed to find a bathroom and when I finally did and started to take a leak, my mom and sister started yelling at me. I was like wtf people, get out of the bathroom, they kept yelling and I kept peeing. Then I woke up and realized I was pissing into a box of toys at the bottom of a flight of steps that went from my bedroom to my bathroom.

Anyway.. back to my more recent dream.. The only similarity between this dream and that dream is that when I woke up I wanted to piss on something.. or more like someone. Who? Newt Gingrich. Why? Because I wasted an entirely good dream on the doucheag. So, what was the dream about you might ask? Well, I’m not going to tell you……… Ok.. well I guess I might as well since I already typed out two paragraphs.

Newt is going to be the next GOP candidate for president.

I can hear you right now.. let me get this straight… you had a friggen dream and are making such a bold prediction? The guy’s campaign is in the hole, he is at the bottom of the polls and no one likes him for plenty of reasons other than he has a name like Newt.

Well.. my response is this. Politics hasn’t changed much over the last several thousand years. People get in line for their turn, and when it comes up, they take it. Newt has been sitting quietly on the sidelines and in the backfield for the past decade. He has been building alliances, forging friendships and setting everything in place for his presidential run. Oh yeah.. most importantly.. he has been digging up dirt on just about everyone.

Now.. beyond the dream.. here are just a few reasons I think he is going to be the man for the GOP. He is in a field with contenders that include a woman, a black man, a mormon (with magic underpants) and an idiot (well, lots of idiots.. but this one in particular is Rick Perry, who I might add will probably be out of the race by February. I want to say December. But I figured I would give him a little longer than that.). They are vying for a spot from a group which includes a strong base of Neo Conservative Christian fundamentalists. Newt is the man for them. He’s white. Male. A Christian. He hates muslims. He cheated on his wife. Well, wifes… the list goes on…

Beyond that, he has more dirt on his opponents than anyone else. Don’t believe me? Herman Cain thought he put a lid on the sexual harassment issues from his past and they were long forgotten. Rick Perry? Next two months are going to be hell for him. My guess is first it will be discovered that he has a serious problem with Alcohol and that will be followed up with proof that he has been cheating on his wife. Michelle Bachman? She will do more than enough to hurt her own chances, Newt just needs to sit back and enjoy the show. Magic Underpants Man? He’s Mormon. I just don’t see the Christian Right getting on board for that. The rest of em? Ehh.. who cares…

Anyway.. im losing interest in my rant.. when I started typing.. I expected to finish after I typed the line Newt is going to be the next GOP candidate for president. I just kept on typing though….